2008/05/15 @ 14:29 EDT
I'm a Blogger | I'm a Friend | I'm a Kidney Transplant Recipient | I'm someone with Issues | I'm writing 365 Posts in Oh-Eight
Tags: anti-depressant, anxiety, anxious, death, elaine, emotional, emotions, friends, friendship, kidney, kidney doctor, kidneys, Lexapro, Xanax
I’m full of anxiety. When I woke this morning I had the tell-tale signs of panic - about what, I don’t know.
Maybe because I have a kidney doctor appointment this afternoon? That doesn’t really make sense, though… I had one last week and everything was awesome.
Maybe it’s something on my mind? That would make sense, but nothing remarkable has happened in the last… 21 days.
I can’t sit still, my heart is racing, my mind is unsettled and NO it’s not from this morning’s (usual) Starbucks. Although to describe the feeling it does have that tinge of having drank a whole pot of extra caffeinated coffee…
Right before she passed away, I was on the up and up - again considering taking myself off of my daily anti-depressant. Now I’m realizing that even when I think I don’t need it, I obviously do. I’ve found myself slipping back into myself, my thoughts… my bed (to sleep and be alone).
… as I reach for my Xanax (which I haven’t needed once in months) I’m wondering why today? Why do I have this overwhelming sense of anxiety?
Fuck anxiety.
2008/05/15 18:43
I really understand.
I have had problems with anxiety and depression on and off since I was a kid. Theres no other way to put it but it JUST SUCKS. I hate, hate the medication they have put me on sometimes worse than the anxiety. (its been awhile seen I took anything I can’t even remember the last kind of meds I took) I try to go it on my own. Sometimes I do ok. But sometimes….like lately….I just crack. I started going back to see a therpist and hopefully will be on some meds to help me soon.
I just feel like the world is crashing down and everything is going wrong. I hate that feeling. Once I described to someone as that feeling you get when your so frustrated you have to wring your hands? Imagne your whole body feeling like that. Errrr, I so know how you feel. (((Hugs)))
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