2008/05/08 @ 21:26 EDT
I'm The Kidlet's Mom | I'm a Blogger | I'm an Adoptive Parent | I'm writing 365 Posts in Oh-Eight
Tags: adopt, adopting, adoption, angry, bad birthmother, Birthmother's Day, celebrating, celebration, ethical adoption, holidays, mom, mother, Mother's Day, mothers, reality, rejection, special days, The Kidlet
As an adoptive mother, I/we don’t celebrate “Birthmother’s Day”…
… I believe in celebrating my son’s First Mother on the same day that we celebrate my motherhood - on “regular” Mother’s Day.
I believe that I should decide how to celebrate my son’s First Mother, and as The Kidlet gets older, I believe HE should decide how to honor her when/where/if he wants to do so.
I believe that because I am not a birthmother, I don’t have the right to tell birthmothers how to celebrate themselves as mothers. If they find it appropriate (comforting/empowering/easier) to celebrate “Birthmother’s Day” then they have that right.
I don’t think there is any harm in those who want to celebrate “Birthmother’s Day” so long as they also recognize the fact that a mother is a mother is a MOTHER - and that they don’t criticize those who believe in celebrating Mother’s Day for anyone who is a mother (by any way).
I don’t agree with some (adoptive) mothers who feel compelled to make a sharp separation between their child(ren)’s birthmother and themselves, on a day that, by definition, celebrates mothers - all mothers. In fact, I see the necessity to define a mother as “not enough of a mother to be recognized as a mother on a day for mothers” as a blatantly obvious sign of jealousy or insecurity (or both).
I also don’t agree with the idea that celebrating mothers (of all kinds) should only take place on certain ‘defined’ days, or by someone’s idea of which day ‘belongs to’ whom.
Last year I managed to get myself kicked off of the adoption forums because of these thoughts - a year later, I’m still sticking to my guns. Celebrate Mother’s Day as you will, but without the dismissal of any particular ‘group’ of mothers.
I reject your (Birth)Mother’s Day reality and substitute my own.
2008/05/08 22:40
I am confused…you like Mothers day or not?
I did not realize there was a separate birth mother holiday.
Mother’s day to me is a for all moms, adoptive or birth, but I really never put a lot of thought into it.
2008/05/08 22:46
@Blogversary
I do like Mother’s Day - I just don’t feel that different ‘types’ of mothers should be judged by ‘other mothers’ as to when and how they should be celebrated.
Some adoptive mothers feel that they are the ONLY mother that has a right be a) called ‘mother’ and b) have a Mother’s Day celebration. “Birthmother’s Day (the Saturday before Mother’s Day) was created by birthmothers who wanted to have a special way to be recognized - which is awesome… but it was quickly turned into a way to separate birthmothers from adoptive mothers who felt that celebrating Mother’s Day was their sole privilege.
2008/05/10 12:26
I agree with you - Mother’s Day is e.v.e.r.y. mom’s day and as I write my son is making a drawing for his Ethiopian Mom. I just wish there was some way for her to hear him recite his Mother’s Day poem…but I have no way of doing so.
if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be celebrating Mother’s Day for the 2nd year.
2008/05/10 21:22
Krissi:
You rock on with this bad post!!!
I couldn’t agree more as a birthmom. Honestly, I’m tired of feeling like I should celebrate on a different day because I’m not a “parenting” mom.
Everyday should be a day when we celebrate all moms.
(((HUGS)))
2008/05/13 23:22
Nice post. I totally agree with you on this issue. Found you through a long, convoluted path…. I’ll be back!
Tracy Ds last blog post..