2008/06/20 @ 16:25 EDT
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Tags: adopt, adoption, adoption viewpoints, adoptive parent, adoptive parenting, biological parent, ethical adoption, international adoption, parents, unethical, unethical adoption
When we adopted my son (2000) there was a fairly common (but maybe somewhat unknown?) practice of giving an internationally adopted child a “new” birth date to more suitably match his/her retarded physical/social/emotional development caused by years of institutionalization.
Sometimes a kid would end up (on paper) a whole year or 18 months YOUNGER than he/she actually was.
I’m not talking about choosing an approximate birth date when the true/real birth date is unknown (in the cases of ‘abandoned’ children where no known info exists) I’m talking about rebirth(dating) a child knowingly.
I don’t even know if it’s legal in the US to do this to any person (adopted or not) - but I know it has, and probably still does happen, in international adoptions, most likely on the international legal/adoption side of things (i.e. before the child ever reaches US immigration).
Isn’t there (or shouldn’t there be) something about falsifying a birth certificate that is not only ethically wrong, but downright illegal?
I always thought the practice was weird/wrong/uncalled for… and just kinda creepy. How can a parent “rebirth(day)” a child and completely dismiss months and months of his/her life as if they’d never existed?
It seems that giving a child a new birthday is almost like pretending the child is a completely different person - which only adds to negative adoptive parent stereotypes. It proves that the adoptive parents want to dismiss the child’s nature, culture and “original existence” and it will most definitely add to the confusion the adopted will deal with later in life.
While I understand the want of any child’s parent(s) to see their child among peers to whom he/she can relate to on similar levels, I feel the better alternative is to keep the child’s REAL birth date and follow the child’s lead when it comes to schooling, friendships and learning.
Thoughts?
2008/06/20 21:18
I agree with pretty much everything here; seems like a pretty sketchy practice all around to me.
It doesn’t even seem like it addresses the fundamental underlying problem. By pretending a child is a different age to account for retarded development seems like it is just going to raise a whole host of new awkwardness for that child. Both in the short term, when they are out of place in unexpected ways (e.g. “why am I so much bigger than most of my classmates?”), and in the long term, when they discover that they have essentially lost a portion of their life.
2008/06/21 0:34
@Trundle (hi!)
“why am I so much bigger than most of my classmates?”
The fact that most institutionalized children are FAR smaller than their counterparts in the Western world is one of the reasons why they are “rebirthdated”.
My second trip to Ukraine was when my son was 17 months old. He was just as tall as (and in a few cases, slightly taller than) 3 and 4 year old orphans from his former orphanage. Yes, my son is tall for his age, but not THAT TALL.
K2
2008/06/21 0:38
I’m against anything that isn’t truthful in adoption - you know my stance on ethical adoption.
But yow is my child about a year behind in development, even in size. Having her repeat a year in school was the best thing we could do. She really works better with kids a year to half year younger.
It means I get to keep her home another year too before she heads to college. More time with home and love is a good thing.
While there are times I’d love to just change her birth certificate (which of course I can’t), that would be ridiculous and wrong.
2008/06/21 0:45
@Michelle -
100% agreed! My son is still very “young” when it comes to socialization (which could be due to many things, one of which just happens to be his birthday that makes him the youngest in his class) but I would NEVER change who his is.
I totally agree with keeping a child back a grade - especially when they are younger; I think it makes less of a negative impact on their self-confidence and might even give them a BOOST of self-confidence to be around kids on their “level”.
K2
2008/06/21 9:47
Just found your blog and enjoyed reading! I totally agree with your post ~ every human being should have the right to their true birthdate, identity, and history. Period.
2008/06/24 2:10
@Peach -
Thank you :)
K2
2008/06/26 0:09
I know of a few cases where this happened. I didn’t realize it happened on the originating country side.
Your post is interesting. I don’t know how I feel about it. I always assumed it was just something that parents did when they felt it was in the best interest of the child. Now I’ll have to think on it some more.
Adria Shas last blog post..Just like old times.
2008/06/26 17:08
@Adria -
“I always assumed it was just something that parents did when they felt it was in the best interest of the child.”
I don’t think changing a child’s birth date is ever in his or her best interest. It’s like erasing part of who the child is, don’t you think?
K2