The betrayal that prompted my post ‘Exploitation of Un-friended Vulnerabilities‘ was the angry, retributive re-publication of a comment I made on someone’s blog after I’d asked for it to be removed.
Originally the blog owner obliged when I admitted to commenting on this topic before I was ready, but then when I became the blog owner’s ‘non-friend’ she used the familiar ‘I’ll expose your secrets if you don’t meet my demands’ rhetoric.
Obviously my comment was then re-posted on her blog.*
Yes, I wrote it and I absolutely take responsibility for the fact that it was public, I am/was disappointed in the person who stooped low enough to go back on her word… and a little disappointed in myself for talking about something I wasn’t ready to discuss, in public, while trusting someone I should not have.
BUT, that’s not the point of this post. The point of this is what I wanted to share:
Meanwhile - All this time I’ve kept my own copy of what I’d written as a draft post here. Now I’m ready to share it with you (on my own terms!) in case you hadn’t already read it. … it’s some heavy stuff.
“Rape is Rape is Rape is Rape is Rape”
I struggle with this very topic and have asked myself “was [what I experienced] rape?” So when you say
“If I look back and say ‘I didn’t want to have sex with him’, it was RAPE.”
… does that include coercion in such a situation as my saying to myself ‘well, I can’t get home unless this guy drives me, we’re in the middle of nowhere - I can’t get him to stop coming on to me even though I push him away, and I’m tried and (half-drunk by my own actions) so I guess the easiest way out is to let him… and just pretend it didn’t happen…‘
Because I have been there, unfortunately not just once.
“[Everyone should acknowledge] that anyone who attempts to influence [a gir], drug her or take advantage of her is wrong.”
Does ‘influencing’ include telling a 14-15 YO girl that she is ohsosexy and grownup and so on and so forth, giving gifts (no matter how minor) and lavishing attention on said girl?
What if said girl likes the attention but not the sexual advances (even though she feels now she must be supposed to ‘give something in return’)…
… what if that attention is coming from a 30 year old man and the 14-15 YO girl is ultimately seeking friendship from anyone (not necessarily her age or not) who seems to understand her “more mature” points of view? Is that rape?
I have a hard time answering that one (especially for myself) when that happened TO ME over 3 years of time. I look back now and I think “OMG a 14 YO and a 30 YO man??! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!” but I’m confused and conflicted - I didn’t say ‘no’ (but sexual stuff made me want to vomit every time) and I didn’t really say ‘yes’ either.
I wanted attention, I got it - maybe too much?
* In fairness to the original post’s author, I feel she deserves credit for her own writing. Her original post isn’t what bothered me (it is, after all, quite well written and makes excellent points) it was her using my vulnerabilities aginst me that tore me into pieces. Kudos where kudos are deserved.
2008/08/13 20:12
Krissi, is there not a delete button ? most blogs have a delete button.
If you dont want it there then ask her again to PLEASE remove it.
And yes imo it WAS rape
http://adoptedjane.blogspot.com/’s last blog post..Enna Barreto And The House Of Horrors
2008/08/13 21:33
@Jane -
No, there isn’t a ‘delete’ comment button (or on this site, either).
I would ask her, but it wouldn’t do any good. Trust me. :(
K2
2008/08/13 22:37
I dont get it why wouldnt she remove it ? it doesnt server her any good ? its something about you, your personal life. Does she think it spicing does up her blog ?
Id be doing a expose about it.
Id be letting it all there for the world to see with a link and saying how she wont remove YOUR comment. How you have decided that you dont want that part of your life publicly displayed and that it was a error to post it at the time and exactly what is the drama for her to remove it. You might get a lot of people giving public pressure to remove it. Your comments were not harmful to her so I see no reason for her not to remove them. I mean it would be different if you had gone there attacking her etc calling her names etc…then sure she has the right to leave it all up to show how mean you were etc but that isnt the case here at all…
Id really be using public pressure to get it removed. I would do a comment on her blog saying Please delete my comments…and see what she says to that !
http://adoptedjane.blogspot.com/’s last blog post..Enna Barreto And The House Of Horrors
2008/08/13 22:43
“mean it would be different if you had gone there attacking her etc calling her names etc…”
No, she came HERE and did that to me.
K2
2008/08/15 12:45
This is a difficult subject. I\’m sorry you had to go through this.
http://taleofakansasgirl.blogspot.com/’s last blog post..Why Let Death Damper My Fun in the Sun?
2008/08/15 12:45
Oh my, well, I’d call that rape.
I’ve struggled with some of the same thoughts re. being in a bad relationship with an abusive person, and that person forcing me against my will. But the reason I struggled with that is that it was a relationship right, doesn’t that make it ok bc the other person has rights?
I was having alot of those thoughts.
*hugs*
2008/08/15 12:51
@Nereah -
“I’ve struggled with some of the same thoughts”
I’ve found that so many women do, and that most women I know have had at least one (or multiple) negative and coercive sexual experiences in their lifetimes.
I’m sorry, and *HUGS* to you, too.
K2
2008/08/15 13:33
@KansasGirl -
“This is a difficult subject. I\’m sorry you had to go through this.”
Thank you for your support/comment. It is a very difficult topic to discuss, even for me, now.
K2
2008/10/04 6:42
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