Anxious

I’m full of anxiety. When I woke this morning I had the tell-tale signs of panic - about what, I don’t know.

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Wordless Wednesday 2008/05/14

Me, Elaine and K1 - on my 30th birthday, August 6, 2006

Lost

I feel as though I don’t have much to say today, yet I probably do have a lot of things I could write about.  Mostly I don’t feel like doing anything, today.

Missing her comes in waves, when I least expect it.  I’m at a loss… in more ways than one.

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Sunday… um… DOG

no ’sunday chihuahua cute’ pics this week, just a picture of elaine’s jack (a jack russell terrier)…

this is such a sad picture…

elaine’s dog jack, laying on her purse, on an old chair (owned by us for at least 5 years) that once belonged to elaine.

shortly after i brought jack to our house (last fri night/early sat morning) after she’d passed away, this is where jack laid down and wouldn’t lay anywhere else

some wonder if dogs ‘know’ - i think they do. jack knows.

forward

today i’m trying to move forward, to do some little things around the house that have been neglected for a week. forward, at least one moment at a time.

i think i’ve missed someone’s birthday…was it you? there are two more birthdays coming up this week - at least i got their cards ready for the mail.

i have tons of laundry. the house is a mess. my computer is a mess. my IN BOX is a mess. apparently i am a mess.

i still have several things to do for her family (burn a cd, burn a dvd, scan some more pictures, figure out how to access her itunes account, gather the printed pictures together, put stuff in a box and over-night it) but, at least i’m moving inch-by-inch, forward.

i have three contest give-aways that i’ve yet to deal with. if you’ve come here looking for a winner, i’m sorry but i haven’t chosen one. but look forward to that maybe by the end of the weekend.

i have emails to write and shout-outs to give for the contest i won. i have posts to write (if i could write what i’m feeling right now you’d need not worry about reading material for the next decade or so) and others’ blogs to read. last night i finally hit “mark all as read” because there were more than 2,000 sitting there looking at me.

my kidney blog is still in utter disarray. it needs my full an undivided attention when i get around to it. i don’t look forward to it…

i’m still wearing my jammies, i forgot to get dressed.

just one step at a time, one step forward. my mind isn’t ‘forward’ it holds on to the fact that one week ago right now, this very minute, she was still here - she hadn’t gone forward.