Weddings, Thanksgiving, Blogging and Avoiding

I’m not doing so hot when it comes to this NaBloPoMo thing, am I? Last year I was all up in NaBloPoMo’s face and posted every. single. day. This year? Not so much.

I haven’t been blogging because I’ve been busy with the rest of my life.  I have a wedding (in two weeks zomygod!) and a family to care for. I’ve also had doctor’s appointments out the wazoo. I’m stressed and starting to feel it with the physical manifestation of the rash that has broken out on my face. Lovely.

If you hadn’t noticed, there’s also a holiday right smack in the middle between now and the wedding…

… and I’m avoiding all three of us are avoiding Thanksgiving (maybe not The Kidlet - it’s his dad’s year to spend the holiday with him.)  It’s hard enough trying to not think of Elaine while doing all the wedding stuff, but harder still - this will be the first Thanksgiving in 7 years we haven’t celebrated at her home, with her cooking, and her OMG amazing mashed potatoes. I miss her so much right now.

In spite of everything else, the wedding plans are, for the most part, falling into place. Many of details are going to be decided at the very last minute (AHEM, the entire catering menu?!) I head to San Diego next Sunday to start decorating - the one awesome thing about getting married at home is that the decorations can be put up days (or weeks) in advance and no one bitches. LOL.

We’re expecting about 40 people (pretty darn close to what I’d counted on) and only the closest of our family and friends.  It will be elegant and beautiful, and just enough of everything to be perfect.

In the meantime…

This weekend I’m going to be all alone with me, myself, and I - K1 is in San Diego (of all places!!) working at a big conference, The Kidlet is at his dad’s and I’m…. home by myself. Such a strange feeling.

In my alone and strange feeling I start to realize - Life seems really heavy. Really, REALLY heavy, right now. When I feel like this I find myself blogging less and avoiding my computer (i.e. the internetz) as if it was covered with smallpox.

It’s strange, isn’t it? Most people write more when they’re stressed or need to ‘get things out’… me, I just avoid. Avoid is the word of the day.

This should be a happy time.

Support the Supporting

Last year I wrote about “Supporting ‘Not-Supporting’” in regards to National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I was cynical and very serious when I said:

The motivation for supporting should be pure and uninhibited. If one is going to be a supporter (of any cause) one should support something one believes in or something that one has personally had experience with. One should never support a cause “just to be a part of something”…

This year is different. So very, very different. This year supporting the awareness, especially Pink for October, means something to me.

One of my closest (in real life) friends has a lump… and she still has to wait until next week for the biopsy reveal.

I love her so very much and I can’t fathom my life without her. Watching her struggle over the last few weeks has been gut-wrenching for me… and I can’t begin to imagine how she feels.

My friend is a very private person, but with her permission, I changed the design of my blog for October. This year I have every reason in the world to join the support.

My blog is pink[ish]. Is yours?

Handle With Care - My Vulnerabilities

Maybe there’s a reason I haven’t had a “best friend” in over 7 years. I no longer trust or love easily.

When I was younger and living in CA (which was probably the most awesome and life-defining four years of my life) I had a huge group of friends. Every single friend was someone I trusted deeply; I gave my raw emotional love to them freely, and with absolute and total trust that my vulnerabilities were safe. The same was shared with me, and it went both ways.

Love and friendship are about being vulnerable and trusting that the other person won’t ever use those vulnerabilities against you.

Continue reading…

It’s a Blog-Eat-Blog World out There

By it’s nature, blogging is dramatic, selfish, mean-spirited and oftentimes hurtful. Let’s face it, not everyone is going to agree with your (or my) opinion, and if you read it (or write it) chances are you’ll have your feelings hurt at some point.

It’s a blog-eat-blog world out there, folks.

I’m going to throw my insults around about some recent goings-on in the blogosphere.  I’m pitching my opinion into the proverbial pool because I’m irritated and annoyed (which could probably count for PMS, if I still had that ability.)

And yes, I do want to know what you think… the good, bad AND the ugly.  Here’s your chance to tell me you love me, or you hate me.

Continue reading…

Friend, Lost

AJK,

It’s been so long since I had you on my “friends” list (IRL or online) and I miss you like crazy, I really do. Whatever we’re mad at each other about, can’t we just let it go? It was so, SO long ago (7 years? 8?) that we let our friendship go missing; 6 years of being “BFF’s” before that time seems like a lifetime ago.

It would mean so much to me to reconnect with you… life is just too short to continue walking on eggshells wondering why we aren’t friends.

Please at least reply - tell me to F-off or something, if that’s all you can manage. It’s killing me to ignore you, and to be ignored by you, while always wondering if there is a chance our old and true friendship could be rekindled.

I have never stopped admiring you and loving you from afar. Not for a single day.